Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize