So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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