New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
