I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
