okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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