yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
