Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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