And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
