I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
