Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
birth control should be required to get into college
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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