We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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