why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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