the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
