i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
3pm strippers are depressing
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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