I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
