Please, let me fuck your mom
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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