When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
