ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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