I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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