Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my being single is dangerous.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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