I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize