There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
