You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
