If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
