eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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