you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
