Do you still have your period?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
