UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize