now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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