fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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