i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
