You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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