Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
