God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
