just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
this is an emotional support booty call
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
