Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize