At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
