Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
