I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
