It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
