Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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