It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
