If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
