So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
