you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
