she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
