there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
