Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is Oprah even human
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
