he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
