I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
