i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
