she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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