my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
