life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
