I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
