maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
zippers are such a cool invention
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
