i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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