I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
