It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
