Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
