i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
