Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
