Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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