The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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