I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
