pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
