Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
honey bunches of taint.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
