nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
