OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
