How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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