a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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