8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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