Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
