how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
