Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
