I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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