Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Randomize