Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
