My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize