it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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