I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
