fuck your aforementioned shoe
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
