matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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