i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize