Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize