at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
