i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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