in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
