My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
