the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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