Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
okay pat passed out under dana's car
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
