I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
