you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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