he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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