i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
