mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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