i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
