he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
