I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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