he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
