Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
