Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
