she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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