I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize